whirlwind

wow! the past few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind for me. i’m glad to be back home. i’m hoping things calm down back to some degree of normal…

I left Greenville on June 20th for vacation in Washington DC and haven’t really stopped since.  I got back from DC on the 28th, spent 4 days working, unpacking, cleaning, etc, and spent the last 4 days in NC visiting a friend.   

Though the past few weeks have been great, I am exhausted.  Lately God has been reminding me that rest and peace don’t mean that life is not in chaos – it means remembering that He is faithful through all the changes and confusion.

Emotionally I feel worn pretty thin… like I really haven’t had any time to think, process, pray, recuperate, etc. And I really have been missing my church… its been 3 weeks since I’ve been there and in many ways I feel very alone.  Physically, my body has been thrown through the ringer due to eating out so much and that doesn’t agree so well with my food allergies.  And I haven’t slept well in about 2 weeks as a result of it all.  Today starts a 2 week detox diet so hopefully things will start to get back to normal soon.

Yesterday at my friend’s church in NC, the sermon was on Philippians 4:6-7 (do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.)

What a helpful truth to be reminded of.  I’m so prone to anxiousness and worry.  I am glad that my God is in control of everything… even the changes that make no sense to me.  And I’m glad that though He is aware of my weakness and failure, that He grants me the gift of peace, that He guards my heart and mind, and that I am secure in Christ Jesus.

the answer to my fears and questioning

I found this in my journal today… a prayer and the “response from God.”  I love going back and seeing what God has reminded me of in the past… for I find that I often need the same reminders. 

Lord Jesus, reveal Yourself to me in a way that draws me, pursues me, holds me, and keeps me.  May I grow and be led to better glorify You. May I respond to the Truth You speak, the Word and promise You bestow, knowing Your sovereignty and Your delight in identifying with me, that I might know its hope and truly rejoice! 

 You are forming me!  You are growing me!  Use this, O Lord, to put a fire in my heart.  Let that truth cause my heart to rejoice and to trust wholeheartedly in You!

His response:
Doubt not My ability, nor my willingness to provide graciously and abundantly – I know all that you need.  Fear not!  Take heart.  Know Me.  Be full of faith afresh.  My child, have I not bought you?  Will I not also hold you and keep you?  This is not your home.  This is but a shadow, a season of anticipation to point you to that which is completely other. 

I AM He who has created you and is preparing a place for you that is all of grace and peace unending, yes, unfailing.  You are mine.  Hear My voice.  Receive My love and know My heart for you.  I have caused you to be born into this living and abiding hope.  I will never let you go. 

Dwell on Me.  Submit your cares, your heart, and your fears to my Throne.  You are covered in the blood of My Son.  I am the Trustworthy One. 

 Live.  Be free.  I am a God who loves to give good gifts to My children, My beloved.  Accept this to be warm and satisfying bread, not a stone.  Take.  Eat.  You have been set apart.  I promise to hold you, guide you, encourage you, sharpen you, correct you, accept you, forgive you, and sing over you.  You are mine.  I will care for you, and I can and will to do no other. 

he who has ears

i purchased the ESV audio Bible for $7.49 as part of the sale on www.christianaudio.com.  (as a side note, the sale continues through midnight tomorrow… its a great and inexpensive way to purchase the entire audio version of the Bible!)

i’ve really been enjoying listening to it.  i’ve been freshly struck how applicable the Bible is… and that it was written to normal folks going through normal life situations. 

i just finished listening to Philemon.  its encouraging to me that Paul had to tell these folks to get along… to forgive… to reconcile.  i’m glad its not just me that has to be reminded of these things.  :)

free audiobook

Good morning my blogging friends…

I don’t know if you guys like audiobooks but Christian Audio is offering Crazy Love by Francis Chan as a the free audiobook download for the month of July.  I’ve read this book and really recommend it…

 Check it out… http://christianaudio.com/free_download.php

sleepless prayer

Father I confess that I do not actively place my dependence on you like I should, though every moment is spent fully dependent on your hand over my life. It is the sweet, yet horrible moments like this, moments when I ask, but sleep doesn’t come, moments where there is nothing I can do to make that desire of my fundamental human need happen, moments of sheer and utter exhaustion of mind, body and will, in which I am once again reminded of you. You are the God who does not require sleep. You are the God who guards my life as I sleep, and who guards it when sleep doesn’t come. You watch over me and protect me as the swarm of fears and doubts loom overhead. Your helmet of salvation soothes my tired mind with the truth that I am safe in you and that there is no need to fear. When exhaustion results in emotional worry and tears, I am comforted with the truth that even in my weakness and struggle, that you never leave or forsake your beloved. When the sins and cares of the day robs my rest, you remind me that I am your spotless bride and your cherished, fully accepted child. When pain takes rest from me and keeps it at a distance, you remind me that the power which calmed the stormy sea can also calm the turmoil in my body. Thank you Father that you ordain moments like this, moments I would never choose, to once again turn my gaze to you, grasping for more of your grace. Oh how I need it…both tonight and as the dawn soon breaks. Teach me that what matters is not perfect health or restful sleep but rather a confident trust in your goodness. Your goodness desired that my sleeplesness would drive me not to frustration, fear and anxiety, but to you. I find a refuge in you. My mind, which never seems to cease its running, finds solace in your presence. And you promise strength for tomorrow. Strength for the day’s battle, empowered by you to endure. But greater than that, to rejoice. Father, grant me the grace to rejoice in what you have done for me, given me and promised to complete in me. Let that joy overshadow this sleepless weariness. I pray that I would rest in you, for you are fully satified. There is nothing I need to do, besides still my soul in you like a child at his mother’s breast. You comfort. You hear the prayers of your beloved. And you provide what is good. So I pray that you would, in mercy, grant my weary body a few hours of rest tonight which would counteract the many hours of sleepless regret and worry. And if sleep does not come, father, I pray you would grant me the grace to find my strength in you. Thank you that you love me. Thank you that you hear my cry. Thank you that you are powerful to save. I pray you would help me, yet again, as I look to you, my jehovah-jireh to provide in my need.

continue to look to Jesus

Continue to look to him, my dear friend, and he will guide you with his eye, give you support for the present, and direction for the future. If he were upon earth, and you could get near him—would you not lay your difficulties before him? You have the same liberty and encouragement to do it now—as if you saw him with your eyes! I need not tell you this; you know it; yet though our judgments are fully convinced that he is as near, as kind, as attentive to our concerns, as ready to hear and as willing to assist as our own hearts can wish—it is not always easy to reduce these sentiments to practice.

Unbelief, that injurious hindrance, interposes and starts a thousand anxious thoughts to hide him from us. If you find, through grace, that you are submissive, and only desirous to know his will, and continue waiting upon him, then fear not; he will not allow a soul that depends upon him to take a wrong step in a matter of such importance. And if you find that he has assisted and owned you in what you have done hitherto, I would not have you entertain an uneasy doubt that you have acted wrong.

excerpt from letter written by John Newton

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from?  My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;  the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

vacation

I’m on vacation this week in washington dc. Am currently riding the metro updating my blog from my bkackberry. So far its been a good trip. We’ve gotten lost a few times and are learning to maneuver in narrow city streets. I’m excited because this is my first real vacation in several years. I’m also taking some time during this trip to take some time and pray about some pretty big changes in my life. I sense God may be working, or at least opening me up to something new. So, we will see…

a new thing

Remeber not the former things, nor consider the things of old.  Behold, I am doing a new things; now its springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

“Who is like me? Let him proclaim it. Let him declare and set it before me since i appointed an ancient people.  Let them declare what is to come, and what will happen.  Fear not, nor be afraid; have I not told you from old and declared it? And you are my witnesses! Is there a God besides me? There is no Rock; I know not any.”

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits.  Who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD.

Blessed be the LORD! For he has heard my voice of my pleas for mercy.  The LORD is my strength and my shield, in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults and with my song I give thanks to him.

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty Rock, my refuge is God.

Let them thank the LORD for his steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of man!  For he satsifies the longing soul and the hungry souls he fills with good things… they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.  He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and burst thir bonds apart.

I was pushed hard, so that I was falling but the LORD helped me.  The LORD is my strength and my song, He has become my salvation.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope, my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning…

count it all joy

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.