March 14th – 2nd Wednesday
I woke up this morning hungry. How come I am never hungry at 6:30 AM except on the 2nd wednesday of each month?? Then I thought well, there’s only two answers to problems in life… so is the answer the gospel or pride? Why do I try to overcomplicate things??? Obviously for me, it is pride. Being physically hungry, tired, etc shows me my limitations and I don’t like to be reminded of them. I would rather live my life in my ignorant self-sufficiency than acknowledge my need of anyone. And God in his kindness has organized this day to show me my utter dependence on Him.
It reminds me of Ezekiel 16 – it’s a long chapter so I won’t copy it into this but if you get a chance, read it – its very descriptive of what God has done (to the children of Israel, but I think it applies to us too) and their response. Just a few thoughts from the chapter…
I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your nakedness; I made my vow to you and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Lord GOD, and you became mine.
God redeemed them, he ransomed them – and their response was to take what they had been given and try to be satisfied in that and not in God.
How lovesick is your heart,[g] declares the Lord GOD…
My heart is lovesick too. More often than not, I turn away from God seeking other things to satisfy. It’s more clear to me on days like today where even something good and necessary can at times become more important to me than God. When I look to food to fulfill my physical needs and miss the fact that my spiritual heart is starving. Then comes the question – which one is more important to me? Am I living my life day by day with more emphasis to feed my spiritual or my physical life? This life is passing away, but my spirit endures forever.
How twisted is my mind – that I value the here and now so much! How much I need illumination and guidance. God – I need you. Crush my self-sufficiency. Batter my heart and divorce me from my ties here on earth. Captivate me. I can’t do that – only You can! Be merciful to me though I don’t deserve mercy. Be gracious to me, not because I am gracious or deserve graciousness, but show grace to me because of Your Son. Help me to view myself the way that you view me – as redeemed and clean through Christ. Help that thought to transform me – I am dead to sin – how can I live in it anymore? I’m in covenant with you – why do I turn away from that and seek satisfaction elsewhere? I am the Israelites that “went whoring after…” Thank you for showing me my need of you. I pray that you would not leave me realizing only my need but that you would also today make yourself bigger to me. That I would fall in love with you and not in things that pass away (even good things like a husband). That your love, redemption, care, concern, compassion, unmerited favor, and unchangeableness would allow me to say like Paul that I live not for this life, but for the hope of what is to come. “Give me a passion to see your glory, a heart that worships YOU ALONE…”