So, as I was eating dinner and having a conversation last night, the question came up What defines me? What is my passion? What is my life organized around? What is the basis for my decision making – is it my own desires and plans – ways to organize the steps to get where I want to go? What do I value?
I’m beginning to realize that I’ve spent my whole life valuing things that don’t count – because ultimately this life is not about how much education we have, how successful we are in our careers, who I marry, etc. – its about what impact have I have had on others and what difference have I made for eternity. If God won’t care when I get to thee end if I’ve been “rich or poor, successful or disappointed, admired or despised,” why then do I spend all my energy working for that? My focus should be as the puritian writer that I have “mourned for sin, hungered and thirsted after righteousness, loved the Lord Jesus in sincerity, gloried in His cross.”
What a vastly different view that the trajectory of my life now. Thank God for the grace He has given me to point this out in my life. I see my skills and abilities as greater value than relationships, self-discipline, service, etc. I spend more time cultivating my talents than cultivating the field of friends that God has given me to disciple.
God, transform my desires. It is shocking to see that what I’ve lived for and desired is temporary. What I value is worthless. And the things that I don’t value are of eternal worth. What a change of perspective is needed in my heart. How I’ve been deceived. Thank you that your grace is patient. Thank you that your love is steadfast. Thank you that your cross covers all sin. Help me to acknowledge the sufficiency of your sacrifice as I acknowledge my sin and guilt. Thanks that there is more mercy in You than sin in me. Help that to transform me. Give me a passion to know and see you. Help your name to be lifted high – not just generally in the whole earth, but personally and specifically in every area of my life. That is not something I can do in my own strength. That requires supernatural ability. Provide that for me in your graciousness. Let your Spirit empower this dull lifeless disciple.