Discouragement vs Discontentment… is there a difference?

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“Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food” (Isaiah 55:1-2).

Am I simply discouraged by my circumstance (outward response) or is that stemming from discontentment (an inward war)? or is there even a difference? and how do i discern the difference? does discouragement always tie back to discontentment? or is it okay to be discouraged with circumstances, praying that your kind God would change them, resting in His arms if He doesn’t?

i just don’t know.

I can’t say I’m grateful for these migraines. they suck. so, I guess I’m not delighting in the rich food i’ve been given (see verse above). suffering is for our good, meant to sanctify us. so, then is the logical conclusion that it is rich food? and that i should delight? if so, how does that tie back to praying for relief?

i’m praying for relief. i’m praying for an answer. but i want to know God.

i’m reminded of the song “jesus bring the rain” (bring me joy bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings you glory, and i know there’ll be days when this life brings me pain, and if that’s what it takes to praise you, Jesus bring the rain.)

i’m trying to be grateful for the rain. rejoicing in the broccoli, yet hoping and praying for ice cream. i don’t know if i’m off with this or what. i’m tired. i desperately want sleep because sleep brings some semblance of relief. relief would be nice.

i don’t want to be so focused on the migraines that i miss God. i know He’s here. i know He’s working. i know He hasn’t forgotten. i’m hoping He heals. the answer isn’t in knowing the cause of the pain. its in knowing the relief-giving Physician. I want to know Him.

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4 responses »

  1. additional thoughts…
    i really just want to cry. i’ve been holding back tears all day. i’m in so much pain and nothing helps and there’s no reason or answer or anything. its just overwhelming and super discouraging.

    and then you look around and see people who have been suffering for years. don’t know how they do it. its been 12 days and i’m like “God, just take me home now please. i can’t deal with this anymore”

    and then there’s the stress of still doing my job and paying my bills and becoming sanctified on top of all that and its like “aargghh! i can’t even hold on in the waves and i can’t even think clearly and i just want to sleep. or drug myself so i sleep.”

    and then i just want to cry.

    and then i think about god and his sovereignty and that is cool and warms my heart and helps a little but it doesn’t make the pain go away. it sounds good but i’m struggling to believe that that is the answer (or better stated, i’m struggling to know specifically how that is the answer)

    it doesn’t give an answer to what to do or how to move on or how to do my job when my head is pounding or whether or not to cancel german classes because i can’t think or plan. and then i’m upset to have to cancel classes b/c i committed to them. and i’m just tired.

    that’s kinda where i’m at. but in the midst of that, i’m trying to trust. i’m trying to rest. but everything hurts and i don’t know how.

    i don’t know what trusting looks like other than getting up each day to try it again, begging each moment for the auras and migraines to go away so i don’t keep getting in trouble for not doing my job, trusting in God to once again provide for me b/c i’m at the end of the rope, believing that His love will not let me go. so, i know those things. and deep down i really do believe them. but practically where to go from here… who knows? what it looks like… ???

  2. and for some reason today, my body has been going numb. kinda a weird feeling. um. and i haven’t taken any pills today so i know its not a drug induced numbness. mostly in my shoulders, back and arms. well, i guess its just another area to trust.

  3. I was listening to this song tonight and thought of you. May it encourage your soul.
    “I Believe In Love”

    How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
    Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
    I’m feeling doubt I’m losing faith
    But giving up would cost me everything
    So I’ll stand in the pain and silence
    And I’ll speak to the dark night

    I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining
    I believe in love even when I don’t feel it
    And I believe in God even when He is silent
    And I, I believe

    Though I can’t see my stories ending
    That doesn’t mean the dark night has no end
    It’s only here that I find faith
    And learn to trust the one who writes my days
    So I’ll stand in the pain and silence
    And I’ll speak to the dark night

    I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining
    I believe in love even when I don’t feel it
    And I believe in God even when He is silent
    And I, I believe
    No dark can consume Light
    No death greater than this life
    We are not forgotten
    Hope is found when we say
    Even when He is silent

    I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining
    I believe in love even when I don’t feel it
    And I believe in God even when He is silent
    And I, I believe.

    Copyright 2007, BarlowGirl.

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