In my heart


My head hurts to the point where I can’t focus or concentrate when I try to read. So, I’ve stopped trying. I haven’t read a book since February 22nd. For most people, that’s not a big deal… its only 17 days… for me, its an eternity. I haven’t opened a Spanish book or a German book or even a music book. I rarely even read blogs anymore. I haven’t listened to a CD unless its extremely quiet to the point where its almost useless because you can’t hear what is being sung anyways.

I can still type because I don’t look at what I’m typing, my fingers simply produce on paper what is otherwise locked in this abyss of random thoughts and figures. They provide a helpful escape to my head that otherwise wants to simply scream. ahh. words on paper. coherent thoughts… *feelings of warm-fuzzies running through my veins*

I’m glad I’ve memorized portions of the Bible… its times like this that those verses have comforted me. And provoked. And challenged. And yelled at. And comforted again. Verses like Romans 6 and 1st Peter 1 and random parts of Galatians and Ephesians and Mark. And other various passages too like the Psalms 84 and 139 and Ezekiel 16 and Job 23.

This time has forced me to focus on what I already know and seek to apply it. Focus on the “good-old” passages like “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” How rich! And, sadly, how often overlooked to find yet another “new” and “helpful” nugget. I’m grateful for this old “nugget.” This one specifically has been so pervasive in my thoughts lately.

Why? Probably because I’m more aware of my weakness. Perhaps because I’m seeing more of His strength so magnificently and gloriously on display. Its a comfort. His grace is sufficient. Sufficient for all my deficiencies. Covers all my sin. ALL! But its provoking as well. Provoking because I detest weakness. In my pride, I think I should be strong. I try to find ways to make myself strong.

And He says instead…

  • be weak… that’s when you glory in my strength
  • rejoice in infirmities… because then you are rejoicing in me not in your ability
  • hope in me… if you hope in your ability, its like hoping in a sand castle on the beach – it took time and detail to build, but can be destroyed by simply one wave…
  • trust in the Rock… trust in the Unfailing Hope… I’ll never ever fail…

that’s what our weakness does … that’s why we’re command to rejoice in it.


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