i call it an answer to prayer (even if only temporary). God is kind. The past 2 days have been significantly better than the previous 18. After functioning 18 days at 10%, seeing a 50% improvement is really a gift from God. I’m grateful for 60%.
still very aware of my limitation and confident that the migraine is still there (but simply shocked for a while), but nonetheless grateful for small gifts. God’s mercy is on display in my heart right now. His mercy – giving me a day with minimized pain. I really do love Him more than I did a month ago. He’s bigger. exponentially.
Like Eustace, I can’t peel my dragon layers off… Like Lucy, when I come back and see another glimpse its like “Aslan, my how you’ve grown” “No, my child. I’m the same size. But as you get older, I grow larger in your eyes.” Either way… He’s growing in my eyes. not that I’ve achieved. or am even close…
Matt asked us in care group last week if we had a time when our relationship with God was especially sweet and where there was an extraordinary depth and specialness present. That’s been the last month or so for me. This has been sweet. I pray that sweetness continues even if the migraines don’t. And I’m really praying they don’t. I don’t like this and wouldn’t have picked it. But in spite of that, there is a special, almost holy sweetness. Times of suffering can be sweet fellowship and growth periods, but oh, to have that same growth and desire during times of ease. I think that requires an extra measure of grace. to feel strong yet continue to acknowledge our neediness. that’s not a natural human reaction.
How I long for the day when I will be ruled by truth rather than emotions. My feelings affect so much. the Bible rarely affects to the same effect. I pray that those 2 roles become reversed – that the living words from the Lover of my soul would constantly define and drive me instead of the absence or presence of pain.
i was reminded this morning of the verse “draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” What a comfort! As I stumble and bumble anlong, He is guiding each step of the way. As I fail, He is faithful. As I’m hopeless, He reminds me of the hope that can truly only be found in Him. And as I draw near (only through the grace He’s imparted to me and through the enablement He’s already given me), He continues to reveal more and more layers and depths of His beautiful character.
How cool to know that will never be exhausted. I can’t ever draw so near that “i’ve reached the end.” The end is coming. But not here. Not now. I’ll always be pursuing. And as I do, He’ll simultaneously always be drawing and revealing. But its all because of His grace. All because of His mercy. And all through His work and power.