So, God’s rather interesting. He promises to meet our needs. But I’m discovering that He often does not do that in ways that we think is best. Here’s my story…
As most of you know, I’m working to get out of debt. I have made good progress, but unfortunately, still have a ways to go. God’s given me much grace through this process and has lovingly allowed friends to surround me who are helping to encourage me, keep me accountable, working with me on budgeting, etc. Its been a long process and I’m ready for it to be over. I’ve managed to have some $ set aside in savings as an emergency fund. Well, as a result of the migraines, the $ has pretty much all been used for doctor’s bills. I was nervous about this (aka. not trusting God) because my appointment tomorrow will completely wipe my savings dry. Then what? Then how do I pay the unexpected bills? What if my car breaks down? What am I supposed to do then?
Needless to say, fear began welling up in my heart. I think that I’ve begun to find a small sense of security in that miniscule emergency fund. Strike out again. Trusting in created things rather than the Creator.
Well, my sister just came back from a visit with our grandparents and had a bag of goodies for me. In that bag was a $500 savings bond that my grandparents had purchased in 1990, that was now more than fully matured and that is part of my inheritance. They wanted me to have it early (completely unaware of the inner struggle I’ve been having lately regarding my finances).
My first repsponse was anger. I saw that God provided for my need but not in the way I would have planned or expected. I hated to have to spend this inheritance money on doctors visits.
And then it was as if God were asking me “Emily, where is your true inheritance? Its not in savings bonds. Its not in using that money to buy something nice that you will have here on this earth for the next 50 or 60 years. Your true inheritance is something that won’t ever be taken away. Its so much greater than a savings bond. And you’re mad because I’m providing your need? How foolish. Look at what I’ve given you. Look at how I’ve provided. I meet your needs. I care for you. I sovereignly provided this money exactly when you needed it. That should be reason to rejoice, not a cause for justified anger. I have lovingly and patiently and compassionately met every single financial need you have. Rest in my provision. Even when it doesn’t come in ways you expect. Rejoice in My soverignty. I intimately care for your needs. I orchestrate events so that your needs will be met. Rest there. Rest in my care. Rest in my love, though it is not in a way you would have chosen. Rejoice that I meet your needs. Rejoice that my ways are beyond your realm of understanding. Rest and rejoice in Me!”
Wow. Not the response I had planned on. What a reminder. What we have here is passing away, but what He provides will never be taken. The inheritance we have through Him is imperishable, undefiled and unfading. That one is kept in heaven for us. Nothing can remove that from me! What a God this is. What care and provision. I am so unworthy. I am painfully aware of my sin before Him and yet He lavishes grace upon grace. Though not the way I would have chosen, God has once again proven His kind providence in my life. He has once again lovingly and patiently reminded me of His care. He has once again reminded me that my unworthiness was paid for on that cross of Jesus, and that for me – the hope is a future for me because of the price my Jesus paid.