at the Friday evening service of the Worship God 08 conference, Bob Kauflin sang a spontaneous song addressed to those who are waiting on God to move, waiting for some direction, waiting for something to happen. In many ways, my life seems to have parked on that space. I have been praying God would mercifully provide some answers in many areas of my life. For months and years, I’ve been praying. Yet He remains constant with one answer alone: “trust me, my child. i love you. this is best.”
God, will I always be sick? Will I always be single? Will there never be an answer? How long, sovereign Lord; how long? Its true God, I’m learning you are faithful, I’m seeing your goodness displayed through all this, and I’m struggling to grow in gratitude instead of what my heart is so bent towards – complaining. But God, are you listening? Do you hear? My heart longs for you. But my weak body longs for healing. My soul is secure, yet my days seem full of uncertainty. My mind seems reduced to pudding. Some days I don’t even know how to pray to you or what to do but cry.
Thank you, Spirit that you pray on my behalf. Thank you Comforter, that you never leave me alone, but instead you comfort me in my weakness. Thank you Jesus that you paid my greatest debt. Thank you Father that you planned the number of the days of this trial. Thank you that none of this is greater than You. Thank you for Your soveriegnty. God, please listen to me now. I deserve no mercy. But like Gomer, you have shown me unlimited mercy. I don’t deserve to be counted with your people. But in your kindness, you have called me your own.
So, I come before you, with confident trust in your goodness. I come as your child. I come as your beloved, precious, chosen, adopted child. Please hear me as I cry to you. Please listen. Please have mercy on me and help my unbelief. Bend my heart to desire nothing besides you. Bend my will to be one of submission to you. And have mercy on me in my weakness. Father, you can heal. You choose all things for your children. I trust that if its a good thing, you will heal me. I pray for that. I know you will do it. I long for heaven more now than before. I long to be with you.
Be with me now in this darkness. Be with me in this wilderness, as I learn to trust you alone. Are you listening? Do you hear me? Keep my heart focused on you. Be the single answer to my longing. Work in me. Forgive me for my lack of faith and look instead to my Savior, who lived the perfect life I cannot. Grow my faith. If that means darker more lonely wilderness roads ahead God, don’t leave me. Stay with me. Continue to guide me. Continue to comfort me. Be my only hope and help.
That has been my prayer now for months. God, help. God, listen. And if you choose, please have mercy and heal. Grow my faith in you and your goodness.
In the middle of that longing, I re-listened to one of the sermons from WG08. The timing could not have been more appropriate. Bob sang a song for those who are waiting on God to move. Here are the lyrics.
You ask how long can I go on like this
Its been so long since I have felt your presence
Once I thought I knew you, you say,
You thought you knew me well
But in this season you’re learning more about me
About my wisdom, about my grace,
about my timing, about my ways
I will lead you in my ways
As you trust me, I’ll show you the way
I will sustain you by my grace
For all the days you wait.
I am working in you to for my Son
To make you more like Him.
Have patience, I am working even now
To accomplish my plans for you
Can you believe that even this is part of my plan
I know what you need.
I know this will cause you to run to me.
Which is what I’ve intended all along.
So wait for Me. You can trust Me.
Wait for me. I am sure. Wait for me.
You can believe me.
For all my ways, all my ways are good
and wise for you.
(song can be heard at this link at 42:01 through the end)