not much to say…


i haven’t written anything lately because to be honest with you its i don’t really have much to say.  life has been tough.  i’ve struggled and failed countless times to trust God.  even saying  “i believe, help my unbelief” seems to take more faith than I have most days.  i am very aware of my weakness and inability to change my circumstances or overcome my sin.  to praise my God has been a sacrifice that most days I have not been willing to give.

yet through this… through my self focus and ravaging sin, God is somehow still caring for me.  it seems harsh and distant and cold, but He has promised never to leave.  He has promised that He is a God who cherishes His own and leads for His weak sheep.  yup, you guessed it … that’s me.   

its really easy to get stuck in what’s wrong… left to myself, i would live there.  i’m thankful though for friends and pastors that care lovingly through that.  i’ve had some hard conversations lately and have shared some tough stuff with a few friends and with my pastor and his wife.  and to see their care and concern and help through it all… its almost enough to build my faith to be able to say “i believe, help my unbelief!” 

i can’t deny my God.  i have tried many times in the past few months.  there have been so many days that apart from God’s grace, I would have walked away from Him never to look back.   but I haven’t.  and i can say with full assurance, that is not as a result of my amazing faith… its a gift from a God that cares.  He has promised to keep me secure.  So, for now I’m clinging to that… and to the promise that He is also the God who gives lavishly… He gives peace and joy and steadfastness through trials.  So though it doesn’t feel that way, He is good and I know He won’t quit on me.


3 responses »

  1. Hey there Emily,
    I am so glad that you had something to say today!! I really needed this today, I have been struggling a bit myself. I just found out yesterday that I no longer have a job. I know that God is faithful but you’re right sometimes it just enough for us to get out, I believe, help my unbelief!
    God is faithful even though we are so unfaithful so many times.
    I’ll continue to pray for you, thanks again for posting this today!

  2. ron, i’m so sorry to hear about your job. i have been praying for your family and will continue to do so. i’ve really been struggling with do I trust what i feel (my circumstances) or do I trust what God has said is true? what I feel is that this will never change and that God doesn’t care. but what is true is that God is a personal and caring God that has promised to provide and care for us. i gotta stay there. and when i find myself running from that truth, I’m so glad that God faithfully holds and keeps me.

    wendy – thanks. i love you too. congrats on your new car! :)

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