sometimes i hate blogging…

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there are times that i really hate blogging.  right now is one of those times.  why do i hate it?  because if i really posted what i felt, it would just be depressing and full of my sin.  and in order to post something encouraging and faith building, i have to look outside of myself and my current circumstances.  and nothing in me wants to do that.  i’d so rather mope.

but i’m a blogger. i post nearly every day.  and as much as i hate it sometimes, i’m grateful for it too.  when i started this blog 2 years ago, it was so I could look back through various seasons and remember God’s faithfulness.  and you know what?  over the past 2 years, He has been extremely faithful to me.  He has been faithful over and over again in the midst of my anger and fears and questions and doubts.

so, right now, as I’m lacking faith and hope and love and so many other things, I’m just going to take a minute to look back and remember what God has done in the past two years…  feel welcome to join me on this little journey…

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  • let’s start here… with the power to change.  I love this quote by John Owen because it gives me hope for change as I see myself failing to change.
  • on a nice summer day 2 years ago, i went hiking near Ceasers Head…  While sitting on Bald Rock just admiring the beautiful scenery, God gave me a picture of Himself as my Master Gardener.
  • now, on to a prayer that I had about a year and a half ago… grateful for my God’s immutability… the truth that no matter what happens, He never changes.
  • at Na a few years ago, Eric Simmons preached an awesome sermon about asking God for answers… asking in faith, believing that He is a good God… this is an awesome quote from the sermon.
  • I’m so grateful that just like God heard David’s cry… He hears my cry too.

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This is one reason I blog.  To look back and remember.  I want to learn from my past.  I want to rejoice in who my God is… even when everything in me believes that He is absent or angry or indifferent.

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5 responses »

  1. There are times when i think it is ok to go to God (and the blogosphere) with what is honestly going on in your heart and mind. No one is up all the time. No one can sustain a “sin free” attitude. It is good that you recognize such things for what they are.

    You don’t have to air it out here, but air it out with God and allow Him to wash over all such areas. It’s sort of like a sock in the laundry… bear with me here… When a sock is all folded up and tossed in the washer and drier it never gets fully cleaned. When it comes out of the drier and you stretch it back out… there is dirt in the creases, and it is usually pretty damp too. But if you do it, before you toss it in the soap is able to get into all the folds of the fabric, and then as it comes out of the drier it is clean, dry, and nice and warm. ;-)

    You do not necessarily have to air it all out here in your blog. I am not asking you to bear your soul for the world to read… just sharing a thought.

  2. thanks John, that’s really helpful. i guess in my pride i feel that my blog needs to be something that is always encouraging, always faith building, always oozing with hope. but my life isn’t always there so it is actually unrealistic to think that my thoughts and words will always be there.

    i do so desire for my hope and joy to be in God in spite of all circumstances. and by God’s grace, I know He won’t give up or quit on me.

    i like the sock analogy. i find it very difficult to open up and let all the dirt out, because its just oh so dirty. thanks for the reminder that its for a purpose, and that there is sweet cleansing that comes through that process.

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