one year ago today…

one year ago today i was scheduling an MRI because the doctors feared I had a brain tumor.  one year ago today was day 10 of the worst migraine pain, numbness and other physical problems that I ever thought my body could endure.  one year ago today, I was staying at a coworkers house dog and cat sitting and my allergies were going haywire. one year ago today i was working in a job that i hated.  one year ago today i was afraid that the previous 10 days would kill me. 

but now, 365 days later, i am rejoicing in God’s faithfulness.

sure, in the last year, i had more days with migraines than without.  and in the last year, I was diagnosed with countless severe food allergies.  this last year has been physically, emotionally, financially, mentally and spiritually very very difficult for me.  but God in His kindness, has graciously not allowed me to stay where I was one year ago today. 

i remember my fears about the MRI.  i remember thinking that i might have a brain tumor and that it might kill me.  i remember thinking that it would kill me.  i remember that roller coaster.  it was scary.  i cried a lot.  i questioned God a lot.  i was consumed by fear.

in many ways, i’m still on a roller coaster.  just a different one now.  its still scary.  i still cry a lot.  but looking back, I don’t think i question God as much.  i don’t think i’m quite as consumed by fear.  i think my love for God is deeper.  and i know my desire to live for Him is stronger (though I still fail and fall every day).   and in God’s mercy, I do not have migraines every day like I did one year ago. 

one year ago today, God knew I’d be here now.  I didn’t.  Had He told me, I would have asked for another path.  many days, i did ask for another path.  but by His strength, I survived the last year.  well, not merely survived, but i think He has brought me through and has made me stronger.  not stronger in myself or stronger in my abilities, but stronger in my trust in Him to be the sovereign Guide for all my steps. 

i have no clue where i’ll be one year from today.  i dont’ know whats in store for the next 365 days any more than i could have anticipated the prior ones.  but I do know that my God, my Father, my Shepherd, and my Comfortor will be my Guide every single step of the way.

click here to read my post from one year ago today