lately it seems i’ve been connected with and talked in detail to many other folks who suffer with severe, chronic physical pain. this has had a two-fold effect on my soul. first, it has encouraged me. its helpful at times like this, when just getting out of bed is a challenge, to be reminded that I’m not alone. i’m not the only one with undiagnosed issues and with the fears, pains and sorrow that accompanies these pains. the thoughts and fears swarming my mind are not unique to me.
I really do find much comfort in knowing this, for one thing that chronic pain does is make you feel isolated. Its easy to think that no one understands my pain. No one understands what I’m going through, etc… How grateful I am to God for the reminder that these thoughts simply are not true. He has placed me in a body where there are many others who not only understand, but who pray for me as I pray for them… who encourage me in my weakness and who point me to Jesus.
My friends are much like the friends of the paralyzed man in the New Testament. He couldn’t walk to Jesus, so they carried him. My friends have carried me lately through car rides when I was too weak or dizzy to drive, through meals when I have been too tired to cook and through prayers when all I seemed to have the energy to do was cry. Thank you.
But on the other hand, the more i talk with other folks who suffer with chronic pain, the more my heart breaks. I hate to see the rampant effects of sin. I hate to see the sorrow and trials and fears that are simply part of day to day life. the more i see suffering here, the more i long for the day when my Jesus will come back to judge evil and wipe all tears away… not just my countless tears, but the tears of my sweet friends as well… the tears of Jess C, Charissa, Jenn S, Missy, Wendy, Jess B, Sarah and so many others.
And then to add on to the physical pain, I could list so many who have suffered in other awful ways as well…miscarriages, death, abuse, persecution, broken hearts, divided families… this world is a violent place. But we have the promise that Jesus will wipe all tears away … what sweet hope and comfort I find in those words.
oh come Lord Jesus. Come and rescue your Bride from this fallen world of suffering and shame. Come in mercy to give eternal hope to your children who eagerly await their inheritance. Come and rescue those like Gao Zhisheng who are imprisoned and beaten for your sake. Come and give comfort to the fatherless, hope to the barren, comfort the widow with your presence, and come and give trust and peace to those like me who often live in fear of the unknown (or in regret and shame to the past).
but until that day, I will hold on to you. Until the day you answer that prayer (could it please be today?), I will continue to cling with my feeble fingers to the ledge of your great grace. I will hold fast to the One who will never let me go. I will follow the example of the one who suffered in my place. Give me grace to not grow weary as I seek to follow you. Keep my eyes riveted on your grace when my sins begin to overwhelm me. Grant hope … as you’ve promised is the result for enduring trials with a steadfast heart.
Oh God, my heart is steadfast on you. You are the only hope for my life. I am looking to you to satisfy, not to what makes sense to me. Please, won’t you give my weary heart some hope? You have consistently shown me hope and you have faithfully given me comfort and steadfast love. Be faithful to once again answer my prayer. Let my weariness find rest in you. And care for my friends… remind them also of your unending love and care.