32When Elisha came into the house, he saw the child lying dead on his bed. 33So he went in and shut the door behind the two of them and prayed to the LORD. 34Then he went up and lay on the child, putting his mouth on his mouth, his eyes on his eyes, and his hands on his hands. And as he stretched himself upon him, the flesh of the child became warm. 35Then he got up again and walked once back and forth in the house, and went up and stretched himself upon him. The child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes. 36Then he summoned Gehazi and said, “Call this Shunammite.” So he called her. And when she came to him, he said, “Pick up your son.” 37She came and fell at his feet, bowing to the ground. Then she picked up her son and went out. (2 Kings 4)
I read this chapter the other day when I was really discouraged. I know you can all relate to waiting on God for healing. Waiting on God for an answer or for hope and joy in the middle of the trials we all face. Lately joy has seemed elusive to me. I’ve fought for it but keep running up against a wall. Through this 10 month (and counting) trial of trying to conceive a child and my body not “cooperating” my faith has been tested like never before. And though its only been 10 months, in some ways this has been more difficult to work through than the physical pain and hurt from my past that I’ve endured. I’ve fought for joy, I’ve asked God to keep my focus on Him not my circumstances. But i have wept. I’ve pleaded like never before. And I’ve struggled…
I’ve spent a lot of time praying and reading what the response to “barrenness” was in the Bible… how did Hannah and Sarah (etc) respond? And I’ve prayed for the joy and peace God has given to so many others. But it was hard feeling like no promise had been given to me regarding having (or even adopting) children. I’ve prayed asking God for what I believe to be a good gift, but I don’t want to presume that I know what “good” is better than He does. He’s used Lyme disease… and migraines… and hospitals and tests galore… and shattered relationships… and sexual abuse… yet through it all I’ve learned that God cares for me and works in ways that are good. But its so easy to doubt when all around seems like darkness again.
well, while I was reading 2 Kings 4, I felt God say to me “Emily, I want to remind you of my power. I want to encourage you as fight for joy and give you strength to persevere in this trial. And I want your eyes to look up to me and what I can do (both in my power and simply because I love you). So, as a sign that you will have children one day, I am going to heal you of your Celiac / Wheat allergy. You can eat wheat again freely now.”
um. for those of you that don’t know this… I stop breathing and get awfully lethargic when I eat anything that is even close to being “wheat” like. I carry an epi-pen. I’ve gotten free meals several times at restaurants. My father-in-law (who is an ER doctor) was ready to put a tube down my throat in the middle of a fondue restaurant a year and 1/2 ago because of an allergic reaction. It’s not something I play with at all.
So, when God says “eat wheat. I have healed you” its something I don’t want to take lightly. Ted and I talked about it on Monday and he helped me work through how to step out in faith on something that scares you to death. I felt completely at peace with it but still was terrified.
Well Monday night at dinner, I ate some banana bread. Then a little bit of raisin bread. Then part of a roll. No reaction. Tuesday night, at a work dinner with Ted, we split a pizza. Again, no reaction. Have had lots of energy and never felt better. I’ve officially eaten more wheat in a week than I have in years and feel completely fine.
I just wanted to write and share what God has done. No, I’m not pregnant. No, I don’t know when that day will come. But I’m so grateful God spoke to me and encouraged me when He knew I was so weary I didn’t think I could take another step. He mercifully spoke to me when He didn’t have to and what once was death to me (wheat) I look at now with amazement as I see the hand of God at work.
I write this to encourage you. I know many of us are in various stages (or have been recently) of waiting and trials and wondering what God is doing. I hope that seeing God at work in my life gives us all a renewed confidence to plead even stronger, to pray more fervently for His presence and to rejoice and weep together. I pray that God’s power will give you strength to endure. That you will clearly see His hand at work through your trials. And that you will find rest and joy in Him.