if you had told me this morning what today would hold, I don’t know that I would have believed you… or that I would have gotten out of bed if I had believed you. I went at 7am for bloodwork, 10am for an ultrasound and 10:30 for a doctors appointment. We knew by 10:30 that we were facing something bigger than a “normal” miscarriage. But I guess I knew that for a few weeks because of the pain I’ve been having and the other strangness going on… this process has been over a month so far with no real end in sight.
Turns out that we didn’t miscarry… we had an ectopic pregnancy. Originally our pregnancy hormone numbers went down, which seemed like a “routine” miscarriage. But then the symptoms didn’t end. So, last week I called the doctor and went in for more testing. And the hormone went back up. That’s not really a good sign. And then it went up again.
Basically, an ectopic pregnancy is where an embryo implants in the wrong place… in this instance in the fallopian tube instead of in the uterus. There is no chance really for the baby to survive because there is no space for it to grow. And in our case, though the gestational sac was clearly visible, no heartbeat was detected. The big problem with an ectopic pregnancy is if the tube ruptures there is a high chance of death. So, no chance of survival for baby and high chance of death for me. Worst case scenario in both conditions.
Basically our two options were 1) Methotrexate (a chemo drug) to shrink the gestational sac / tissue in my fallopian tube so that my body can miscarry naturally or 2) surgery to remove it. Since the surgery comes with a longer recovery and the potential of infertility issues in the future, we opted for the chemo.
I never thought we would face a decision like this. How I wish there was another option. My heart is broken. And yet again, we say goodbye to the baby we have grieved over for the last month. So grateful for my friends who have prayed with us, cared for us and helped us through this. We are confident that God is leading us and we know He is holding us through this time.
will post more later. going to lay down and cry.
God’s people are prone to be discouraged because of the difficulty of the way. In the bitterness of their spirits, they are often apt to say, with desponding Zion, “The Lord has forsaken me;” or with the faithless prophet, “It is better for me to die than to live.”
But the Christian has his consolations too, and they are “strong consolations.” The “still small voice” mingles with the hurricane and the storm. The bush burns with fire, but the great God is in the bush, and therefore it is indestructible! “The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock; and may the God of my salvation be exalted.” Earthly consolations may help to dry one tear, but another tear is ready to flow. God dries all tears. There is no need in the aching voids of the heart that He cannot supply. (John McDuff)