Category Archives: healing

God is not surprised by fluke accidents.

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Aka. Be careful what you ask for. :)

I came home from the Created for Care Adoption Moms conference full of information, strength and hope for the future. Unfortunately I returned back to work the next day feeling like I had no time to really process through and pray about what I learned at the conference. So I prayed that God would help me to know how to balance my time and what to focus on in the coming weeks. That same evening while working out I did a lunge, dislocated my knee and have been in pretty severe pain since. I’m out of work and pretty much stuck to a couch for the next two weeks, not able to put weight on my left leg at all.

While praying through how to handle the unknowns of parenthood and the financial strain that can bring, God put me smack dab in the middle of a situation that I cannot control… where financial strains are once again in the forefront and where I am forced to trust.

But somehow the trusting is coming easier this time around. God has proven himself faithful. I am choosing to look to the unknowns with confidence of His goodness not with fear of how is this or that going to get taken care of or paid. This random fluke of a pretty life altering injury (at least for the moment) is just a blip in my life. And I can choose to have hope in this blip.

I can sense God’s power at work in encouraging me when in my sin I would easily give in to fear and despair. One of the things God reminded me at the conference was “in this world you will have trouble. But take heart. I have overcome the world.”.

What hope that truth brings! Troubles have come. More are probably coming. My faith that has been tested over and over is being tried yet again. And through His Spirit I can overcome the discouragement or hopelessness of not being in control and choose to rest in the arms of the One who ordained this day.

Yup. This day where I haven’t taken a shower because I can’t get into the bathtub alone. This day where the sun is shining beautifully and I so long to go on a walk or a bike ride. This day where the house is a wreck and I can literally sit here and count crumbs on the carpet. God ordained it. So I’m just gonna sit here, sip on my sweet tea and remember His goodness to me. He will provide. He knows my needs. If even a sparrow finds a place to rest and even the lilies of the field are clothed, our bills will get paid. If our adoption is delayed because of the financial strain this could cause, He knows that and has a reason why.

My heart still wants to break as I look around and see all that’s wrong. But how can I keep from singing his praise? He’s proven His faithfulness. He knows my needs. And He has overcome the troubles of this world.

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what God has done

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 32When Elisha came into the house, he saw the child lying dead on his bed. 33So he went in and shut the door behind the two of them and prayed to the LORD. 34Then he went up and lay on the child, putting his mouth on his mouth, his eyes on his eyes, and his hands on his hands. And as he stretched himself upon him, the flesh of the child became warm. 35Then he got up again and walked once back and forth in the house, and went up and stretched himself upon him. The child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes. 36Then he summoned Gehazi and said, “Call this Shunammite.” So he called her. And when she came to him, he said, “Pick up your son.” 37She came and fell at his feet, bowing to the ground. Then she picked up her son and went out. (2 Kings 4)

I read this chapter the other day when I was really discouraged.  I know you can all relate to waiting on God for healing. Waiting on God for an answer or for hope and joy in the middle of the trials we all face.  Lately joy has seemed elusive to me.  I’ve fought for it but keep running up against a wall.  Through this 10 month (and counting) trial of trying to conceive a child and my body not “cooperating” my faith has been tested like never before.  And though its only been 10 months, in some ways this has been more difficult to work through than the physical pain and hurt from my past that I’ve endured.  I’ve fought for joy, I’ve asked God to keep my focus on Him not my circumstances.  But i have wept. I’ve pleaded like never before.  And I’ve struggled…

I’ve spent a lot of time praying and reading what the response to “barrenness” was in the Bible… how did Hannah and Sarah (etc) respond?  And I’ve prayed for the joy and peace God has given to so many others.  But it was hard feeling like no promise had been given to me regarding having (or even adopting) children.  I’ve prayed asking God for what I believe to be a good gift, but I don’t want to presume that I know what “good” is better than He does.  He’s used Lyme disease… and migraines… and hospitals and tests galore… and shattered relationships… and sexual abuse… yet through it all I’ve learned that God cares for me and works in ways that are good.  But its so easy to doubt when all around seems like darkness again.

well, while I was reading 2 Kings 4, I felt God say to me “Emily, I want to remind you of my power.  I want to encourage you as fight for joy and give you strength to persevere in this trial.  And I want your eyes to look up to me and what I can do (both in my power and simply because I love you).  So, as a sign that you will have children one day, I am going to heal you of your Celiac / Wheat allergy.  You can eat wheat again freely now.”

um. for those of you that don’t know this… I stop breathing and get awfully lethargic when I eat anything that is even close to being “wheat” like.  I carry an epi-pen.  I’ve gotten free meals several times at restaurants.  My father-in-law (who is an ER doctor) was ready to put a tube down my throat in the middle of a fondue restaurant a year and 1/2 ago because of an allergic reaction.  It’s not something I play with at all.

So, when God says “eat wheat. I have healed you” its something I don’t want to take lightly.  Ted and I talked about it on Monday and he helped me work through how to step out in faith on something that scares you to death.  I felt completely at peace with it but still was terrified.

Well Monday night at dinner, I ate some banana bread.  Then a little bit of raisin bread.  Then part of a roll.  No reaction.  Tuesday night, at a work dinner with Ted, we split a pizza.  Again, no reaction.  Have had lots of energy and never felt better.   I’ve officially eaten more wheat in a week than I have in years and feel completely fine.

I just wanted to write and share what God has done.  No, I’m not pregnant.  No, I don’t know when that day will come.  But I’m so grateful God spoke to me and encouraged me when He knew I was so weary I didn’t think I could take another step.  He mercifully spoke to me when He didn’t have to and what once was death to me (wheat) I look at now with amazement as I see the hand of God at work.

I write this to encourage you.  I know many of us are in various stages (or have been recently) of waiting and trials and wondering what God is doing.  I hope that seeing God at work in my life gives us all a renewed confidence to plead even stronger, to pray more fervently for His presence and to rejoice and weep together.   I pray that God’s power will give you strength to endure.  That you will clearly see His hand at work through your trials.  And that you will find rest and joy in Him.

when your sin stares you in the face

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“Where sin abounded—grace did much more abound!” Romans 5:20

Heavenly Father,
Deepen in us this day, contrition for our vileness, as miserable sinners in Your sight. How often without resistance, have we floated down the stream of evil! We do not cloak our wretchedness. Our lips are ready to confess—but our hearts are slow to feel, and our feet are reluctant to amend our ways. We bring our hard hearts unto You. Break them by Your Spirit—and then bind them up by Your grace. Wound them to the core—and then pour in the Gospel-balm!

Such is the blindness of our fallen nature, that we cannot see sin’s deformity—except as You are pleased to unmask it. Such is our deadness, that we cannot hate sin—except as You shall graciously implant abhorrence. Such is our infirmity, that we cannot flee sin—except as Your strength enables. Conscious of our total inability—we come to You for light, for help, for strength, for blessing.

Our sins without number stare us in the face! They are piled as mountain upon mountain. Their height reaches unto the heavens! But their full extent is open only to Your omniscient eye. The burden of our known transgressions weighs us to the dust. But the burden is light, compared to the mass which the scales of Your justice hold. We see but little, because our light is partial and our sight is dim. How must we appear, as seen by You, before whom the very heavens are not clean! You charge Your holy angels with folly. What must be Your estimate of our polluted souls! Humbled for what we see and feel; fearful for what is known only unto You—we meekly cry, “Pardon all our sins—for Jesus’ sake!”

We smite upon our breasts, as utterly unworthy of the least of Your gracious and unfathomable mercies. Hear now our cry, and work in us by the omnipotence of Your Holy Spirit, more profound and abiding repentance. Give us more and more of that godly grief, which ever fears and trembles, and yet ever trusts and loves—which is ever watchful and prayerful, and yet is ever confident and hopeful. May the remembrance of the sad past—quicken us to walk in entire newness of life. Grant that through the tears of penitence, we may see more clearly—the brightness and the glories of the saving Cross!

Oh! blessed Jesus – we flee to You!  We cling to You. Our countless iniquities condemn us—but You will wash them all away!  Our tears of penitence cannot remove one blot—but Your blood has all cleansing merit. Our prayers can earn no pardon—but Your mercy says, “Your sins which are many—are all forgiven!” The more we loathe ourselves—the more we love You! Our vile demerits—commend Your glorious worth!

Henry Law

learning to walk with a limp

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There is something strangely beautiful and wondrous about scars. If you’ve ever studied the body’s healing process, you can’t help but marvel at the mystery of it all. Scars are reminders of a hurt that took place, but scars are also reminders of healing that followed. God could have easily designed it so that wounds would heal leaving absolutely no trace of the pain, but the more you read the Bible, the more you realize that God doesn’t work that way. God is pretty big on creating “mile markers” along the pathways of life…

It’s a shame, really, that our modern society doesn’t have any similar practice of leaving visible markers along our paths to serve as reminders of an encounter with God. But we do have scars — spiritual scars that each has a story to tell of a time when God touched us and left His mark on us. And the truth is, no one in history has ever had a genuine encounter with the God of heaven and walked away unchanged… unmarked… un-scarred.

Sometimes the scars God leaves on us come from a wound in our heart that He healed with a gentle touch. Other times the scars are more severe, and cause us to walk with a limp for the rest of our lives, because God — as our loving Shepherd — had to break our leg in order to keep us from wandering away from the flock. I have both…

No one encounters God and walks away unchanged… and Jacob was certainly no exception. During that strange wrestling match, God put His mark on Jacob — scarred him, if you will. God touched Jacob’s hip and caused him to walk with a limp. At the conclusion of that story, the Bible says that Jacob had seen God face to face and lived, and then it says, “The sun rose above Jacob, and he was limping because of his hip.”

Wow, what an amazing scene! Jacob, the deceiver, goes into an encounter with God — arrogant, cocky, walking just fine on his own two feet… and he comes out with a new name, a new purpose, and a limp that will serve as a reminder to him every day for the rest of his life. I imagine there were many mornings from then on that Jacob got out of bed and started to walk across the room, and when he took that first step and felt his hip give way… his mind went back to that life-changing meeting with God… and he remembered!

Don’t underestimate the power of scars. Don’t underestimate the importance of learning to walk with a limp. They are blessings in disguise. The fact is that no one — not a single one of us — will ever truly understand what it means to walk with God and see our lives make an impact for Him until we have learned to walk with a limp. It’s proof, you see — proof that we’ve been with God, that we’ve wrestled with Him, and that we have not walked away unchanged. Every time you see one of your scars… every time you are reminded of your limp… take a moment to remember. Number yourself among the blessed ones who carry the marks of God, and rejoice in knowing that those scars are proof that He knows you by name, and that He has come close enough to touch you.

read the entire post at Phil Pike’s blog: The Journey.

blindness and sight

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John 9:1-3 As Jesus passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

 Isaiah 42:16 And I [God] will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them.  I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground.  These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.

 

 As I was thinking of these verses this morning, I saw a picture of a blind man, crying out to Jesus.  As others saw this man, they assumed that God had not answered his prayers because of sin, particularly the sin of unbelief.  And the blind man was also aware of his own sin and unworthiness.  He knew he needed mercy and was powerless to change.  The next thing I saw was God reaching down and guiding this man by the hand.  But this time, He did not heal the man’s blindness.  The man still could not see, but now instead of sitting, God was guiding Him.  He was leading the blind man to walk in spite of the darkness.  God was graciously leaving him in darkness so that he could better understand the presence of his God who had promised never to forsake.  The encouragement to me was that whether God heals the blind eyes and allows sight or leaves you in the darkness, that in both circumstances, He is working to display His greatness and He is the God that does not forsake His children. 

 

The idea was sparked by a quote I read this morning (one of the quotes in my post below)… 

Often I have heard people say, “How good God is! We prayed that it would not rain for our church picnic, and look at the lovely weather!” Yes, God is good when He sends good weather. But God was also good when He allowed my sister, Betsie, to starve to death before my eyes in a German concentration camp. I remember one occasion when I was very discouraged there. Everything around us was dark, and there was darkness in my heart. I remember telling Betsie that I thought God had forgotten us. “No, Corrie,” said Betsie, “He has not forgotten us. Remember His Word: “For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His steadfast love toward those who fear Him.” Corrie concludes, “There is an ocean of God’s love available – there is plenty for everyone. May God grant you never to doubt that victorious love – whatever the circumstances.”   Corrie Ten Boom

update on health

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I just wanted to post a quick update on my health. Since july 2nd I’ve had severe nausea, since the following wednesday, I’ve had migraines several times nearly every day and starting a week ago have had severe abdominal pains. Last tuesday night I was in the ER and starting last night, I began vomitting and couldn’t even keep fluids down. I ended up back in the doctors office today for nearly 5 hours of testings. They gave me a shot that should help with the nausea and dehydration. I was able to keep down some toast and some gatorade just a bit ago. The drs know that its not appendicitis but he is now thinking that it is something caused by my pancreas or gallbladder…possibly some kind of severe infection or maybe some type of cancer. I should know the test results either tomorrow or wednesday. Thanks to everyone who has been praying for me…I’ve really been in so much pain these past few weeks. I really can’t remember being in this much pain ever before. But thankfully since I am able to drink again, I’m also able to take more pain meds. I’m hoping the doctors are able to find something wrong soon so I’m not having to take pain meds just to make it through the day. Thanks again for your prayers! I’ll keep you posted as I know more…