on June 13th my grandpa passed away. He had 82 years here but I still didn’t want to say goodbye when the time came. When he died, so did several dreams I’ve always had.I wanted him to meet our kids one day. I cried knowing that day would never come. And then I cried even more wondering if my PopPop was up in heaven holding my sweet baby Amos who we lost in May… and the baby we lost in January too. the funeral was the following week and Ted and I really enjoyed having a few days to spend with my grandma and other family members. God is clearly at work even in the midst of heartache and loss and we got to observe that in many little ways during our trip.
we came back to SC and life has found a new routine. We are enjoying the fellowship and friendship of our care group in this season and grateful to have so many good folks surrounding us with prayer. I’m loving the summer weather and the pool in our back yard.
And now we find ourselves in another waiting room. wondering if God will say yes this time to our prayers (and the prayers of so many). Last week we got a positive pregnancy test. Monday we got another one even though there was some spotting and other reasons for concern. Yesterday I went to the doctor for some bloodwork and to start on a progesterone supplement. And now we wait. I do know that I have been exhausted more than what would be normal. I do know that the spotting is not the same as it was last time. But I also know that this little baby’s life is fully and completely in the hands of my precious Savior and He knows how many moments we will have together. I pray that the moments will turn into years. I pray for a baby to hold in my arms.
knowing my dream is so close, I don’t want to have to say goodbye again. I don’t know what will come of this season. But God keeps reminding me He is good. I shouldn’t grieve the unknown or assume the worst. Today, God has given me a gift and that gift is a little life growing inside of me. So, I rejoice in that truth. And I pray for grace and help no matter what tomorrow brings.
I was trying desperately to remember that when the doctor’s office called with the results from yesterday’s bloodwork. My HCG level came back as a 16. The doctor was expecting somewhere between 75-100+. She is not hopeful but wants tomorrow’s blood results to confirm what we expect.
waiting. goodbye. things that are so uncomfortable, but have seemed to become almost routine in my life lately. I need strength. I need help. I don’t want to do this again.