its interesting how God works at times… i find that He’s merciful in giving us what we ask for, though He knows that later we will look back and see what we’ve asked for is not really what we end up wanting.
for years i wanted a career in international business. it’s what i went to school for. it’s what i know. it’s what i wanted to know. i’ve fought to be here… i’ve fought to see myself as a success. i’ve gloried in the fact that others saw me as a success. and today i resigned.
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Over the past seven years I have seen women in my church live by that verse and “sacrifice” career and worldly success for something that God deems to be praiseworthy. I mocked them. I ridiculed their resolve. I didn’t understand and I continued my pursuit towards success. And in many aspects, God gave that to me. Yet, I wanted more. I wanted to be more of a success. It wasn’t enough that I had a good job that paid well… i wanted more security, more pay, more benefits, more recognition.
and yet i continued to be surrounded by women who in some way, though i didn’t agree with their choices, i was beginning to respect. i was seeing wisdom in what God designed as their roles. Not that there’s no place for a woman outside of the home, but i began to see a benefit FOR them investing at home (which before I never really had cared to see). And as I saw their lives, and compared that with God’s standard of success, my heart began to praise them as well. I’m not sure this was a conscious choice or simply a result of seeing the power of God at work in them… women who you don’t know. Women who aren’t known for success. But women who in my eyes are more successful than Oprah or Katie Couric or Sarah Palin. These women are Julie and Robin and Kelli and Corri and Judie and Erin and so many more I can’t name. These women are my example.
They do their husbands good. Their husbands trust in them. Their children rise up and call them blessed. They work hard and diligently and care for their families. They are generous. They laugh at the days to come. They are my examples. I want to be like them.
I don’t want to measure my success by worldly standards. It might be weird that a 29 year old “successful” program planner at an international manufacturing plant would just up and quit with no big career goal. But I have a big God and my goal is to serve Him. And its gotten to the point where I can’t do that to the degree He’s called me to and stay here. So, I go.
Ted and I feel a little blind right now. We are not sure what’s coming. But we truly have a peace in following God through this and a hopeful anticipation of what is to come. I look forward to continuing to learn how to care for him and how to follow him as he follows God. I look forward to finding ways to earn extra income to serve and care for my family. I look forward to finding ways to save money and provide with wisdom.
i’m excited. God is up to something. He has changed me and that means something. this might seem strange to some, but i’m okay with that.